Couples therapy, also known as marriage counselling and marriage therapy, is a therapy performed by a trained professional counsellor with married couples or long-term partners to help solve marital problems.

Studies show that some people don’t mind going for couples therapy, and it is easy to attend such sessions. On the other hand, some people seem to be reluctant and frightened to participate in couples therapy because of some myths that couple therapy hastens separation instead of solving their issues.

Here is a guide on what happens during couples therapy.

Why and When You Need Marriage Counselling

Marriage Counselling is essential for couples facing problems in their marriage. It may feel like these problems were not present in your marriage, or they have lingered, and you have done all you can to try to change things. If you feel this is the case, a marriage counsellor can help facilitate change. The following are the reasons why you need marriage counselling:

• Feeling distant with your partner
• Constantly fighting over everything
• Fighting over money
• Different parenting styles
• Unfaithfulness and Infidelity by either of the partners.
• Transition in life scenario
• Unfulfilling sexual life

If you face any issues above, seeing a professional marriage counsellor is recommended. Another case is when you are a newlywed couple without issues in your married life. You may still want to see a marriage counsellor. Attending marriage counselling during this phase of your life will give you tools to strengthen your relationship and help you maintain a stable marriage.

Attributes of a Good Marriage Counsellor

A good marriage counsellor can change your life, and a lousy marriage counsellor can also be someone who can change your life but in the wrong way. After you and your partner have decided to attend couples therapy, the first step is choosing a good therapist.

A good marriage counsellor will have a professional certification in counselling, preferably at a masters level, with specialized training in relationships. When choosing a marriage counsellor, age, qualification, gender, experience, cost, and location should be carefully considered.

Choose a counsellor you think you and your partner will be comfortable around. Therapy can yield the best results only when there is harmony between all participants. A consultation with a counsellor may be a good place to start to find the right fit.

You can also take advice from your friends or colleagues for a counsellor who is well-versed in their profession. Ensure the therapist has solved cases that match yours to ensure better and faster therapy.

What to Expect from Marriage Counselling?

After choosing the best counsellor available, your therapy sessions will start. Your therapist will arrange sessions with you, and here is what will happen during the couples therapy.

• Getting to Know Each Other Phase

You and your therapist will get to know each other in the first few sessions. This phase is what I like to call the getting-to-know-each-other ” phase. Your therapist may hold individual sessions with each partner and ask you several questions related to you and your personal life.

It will help the therapist understand your preferences, dislikes, views about your partner, and problems you are facing with your partner. It will also rule out any unfaithful relationship in which you or your partner is possibly involved. You might not feel like answering the therapist’s personal questions, but you will open up as trust develops.

Your therapist will arrange joint sessions where they will listen to the couple’s problems and guide you. The therapist will also evaluate whether therapy will be helpful for the couple and, if applicable, will arrange regular sessions.

• The Goals

When approaching the therapist, you and your partner might have different goals and mindsets. For example, one partner might think of strengthening their relationship with the other while trying to better themselves.

While the other might have an unclear mind about whether they want to proceed with the relationship. The therapist would already have figured out what each one of the partners wants and would have carefully and professionally maneuver your relationship according to your goals.

They will set clear goals for you and your partner and, over time, will guide you on how to achieve these goals. For example, if your partner has cheated before and you don’t know how to deal with this issue properly, the therapist will guide you through this.

• Vulnerability and Honesty

Showing your vulnerable side to your partner and the therapist and being honest with yourself, your partner, and the therapist will ensure the success of therapy. If you are dishonest with your therapist, he will not be able to help you.

Also, if you don’t show vulnerability and ego to your partner and therapist, the therapist won’t be able to help you. So remember to stay humble while going to therapy and show your true feelings of love and affection to your partner. Tell them you always wanted to be affectionate but could not. This will help you get the best results out of the therapy.

• Exercises and Tasks to Improve Relationship

After the initial sessions and goal setting, the therapist will provide you with tasks to perform with your partner to revive your relationship. The functions or exercises may involve being considerate of your partner, holding hands, looking into each other’s eyes, and saying affectionate things to each other.

These tasks will help build romance again and allow you to love each other again like you used to. It is essential to do these tasks without negligence, as they are a massive part of the therapy.

• Results

Willingness is crucial in therapy, and if both partners are willing to change their ways to revive their relationship, you will achieve great results from therapy. Even one partner’s positive behaviour will impact the other partner to improve their relationship.

You will have learned all the skills needed to have a better relationship with your partner at the end of the therapy. You would have learned the following skills:

• Effective communication with your partner.
• How to control your anger
• Techniques to revive dead romance
• How to be Honest and vulnerable in front of your partner
• The way to appreciate your partner instead of judging them

These skills will prove helpful in the long run of your marriage life, and you can use them to win over your partner.

• Be Open and Answer your Therapist with Honesty

One of the critical things you need to understand is the importance of being open to your therapist and answering his questions with utmost honesty. A therapist only asks questions about your life to help him better understand you and your relationship with your partner. All of this information is required for him to provide the best therapy possible and to solve your problems to the best of his ability. You should not mind the questions even if you think the therapist is too personal.

A bit practical way of thinking about it is that the therapist is a trained professional charging you money, and if you don’t answer him truthfully, it will not harm him in any way. Dishonesty will only bring loss to you, not to anyone else.

Also, you should have peace of mind that everything you tell your therapist is confidential. He should not share any information with anyone.

Conclusion

In conclusion, therapy is the only way to solve your marital problems that have gotten out of hand. It is also beneficial to go for therapy earlier if the matters have not gotten out of hand but you feel like they can. So don’t wait and waste your time and book an appointment with a quality counsellor today without worry and hope for the best.

If you and your partner are ready to start therapy together, consider one of our skilled clinicians here at Boomerang Counselling Centre. We may have the right fit for you.