If you have been on a date or watched a dating reality show, you might have seen a portrayal of trauma dumping. While you’re on a date with a stranger, they start to open up about a distressing or intense personal history. Usually, people overshare on their first date or first interaction with a colleague; they may talk about their parents’ divorce, a heartbreak, or the illness or accident of a close friend.

The ‘dumper’ doesn’t have any idea about their date and how the topic can make them/uncomfortable or trigger their previous trauma.

What is Trauma Dumping?

Trauma dumping refers to when one shares their traumatic past experiences without any filter or considering how it may impact the listener, or if the timing or situation is appropriate. The person often has no sense of boundaries when sharing their traumas, and this may stem from childhood trauma.

One may tell the same story multiple times, without paying much attention to the other person’s story; they bring up explicit trauma experiences with acquaintances or strangers. When they repeatedly talk about their trauma, it indicates they might not have processed it and can also be emotionally manipulative.

Trauma Dumping vs. Healthy Venting

Sharing past trauma might bring people closer; by being authentic, you can feel accepted and supported by the other person, and it can be positive. When you’re vulnerable and honest, you can seek validation for your feelings and emotions, and it can also reduce the stigma and stereotypes around mental health.

However, whether it is a reality show or real life, there is a difference in sharing or venting about your trauma compared to trauma dumping, where one doesn’t consider the impact on the listener.

Also Read About: What is Intergenerational Trauma

Healthy Venting

• It is more focused on current challenges and includes a wide range of complaints.
• It’s more about letting off steam after a hard day at work, a hard day with children, or an annoying interaction.
• Both people have a chance to share their stories or talk about a similar situation.
• Talking about the problems at hand, both people can work together to find a solution.
• It doesn’t take up the entire conversation; there may be some light moments between the two people.
• Both people leave the conversation feeling relaxed and try to process their emotions healthily.

Trauma Dumping

• Usually focuses on one or two intense stories from past traumas
• Trauma dumpers seek sympathy from the listener and try to build an intimate connection
• The dumper overshares without considering time and place, and doesn’t leave space for the other person to talk
• They are not interested in finding solutions and don’t welcome advice
• The conversation is entirely focused on trauma
• The listener often leaves the conversation feeling drained, frustrated, or reliving their past trauma.

Identify the Signs of Trauma Dumping

Trauma dumping is extremely overwhelming and emotionally draining for both the dumper and the listener. Here are some signs you need to look out for to recognize if you’re trauma dumping.

1. Starting without a Warning or Context

When you meet someone, whether a potential partner or a coworker, you feel the need to talk and share your experiences immediately. Holding on to the traumatic event seems challenging, and you feel desperate to unload all your emotions as soon as possible.

You might start impulsively talking to anyone who will listen, regardless of whether they are equipped to handle your emotional outpour.

2. Non-stop Stream of Events of Trauma

When someone starts talking about their experiences, it becomes hard to stop them. The words keep coming from your mouth, as if there is no tomorrow, and this non-stop stream of conscious communication leaves both parties feeling exhausted.

It is especially draining for the person who is listening because they didn’t have a chance to emotionally or mentally prepare for what they’re about to hear.

In the process, the dumper typically doesn’t pause to check in with the listener or consider their comfort level.

3. Attachment to one Person

In many cases, the trauma dumper fixates on one person and views them as a ‘saviour.’ They cling to this person and pour their heart out at every opportunity, even if the listener has made it clear they are not comfortable with the conversation. The trauma of being abandoned in childhood leads them to develop codependency.

4. Ignoring Boundaries

Oversharing about one’s trauma occurs without any regard for boundaries or the appropriateness of the situation. People may share deep and intimate details about their relationship during a work meeting or in a context where personal sharing isn’t appropriate.

5. Disregard for Emotional Distress

The person might share traumatic or disturbing details about their incidents without considering the emotional and psychological impact on the listener. The conversation may leave the listener feeling shocked, uncomfortable, drained, or frustrated.

Continual oversharing without giving time to the listener’s thoughts can lead to an emotionally abusive relationship, and it can become toxic if the sharer uses the trauma to emotionally manipulate the other person.

Why do People Trauma Dump?

People utilize trauma dumping to seek validation, to feel heard, to seek connection, to cope with overwhelming emotions, and to avoid facing the trauma. They lack healthy coping mechanisms and emotional support in their surroundings. Talking about their trauma might give them temporary psychological relief, and it might feel like catharsis to them.

The trauma dumpers have difficulty processing, managing, and appropriately expressing their emotions. Young people who take part in trauma dumping might not have developed effective coping skills to deal with unmet emotional needs.

Such individuals might use trauma dumping to manipulate a situation or person for personal gain. They have a mindset that you can share anything at any time with caring relationships.

How to Stop Trauma Dumping?

There are healthier and productive strategies to process emotions from trauma, and here are a few ways to cope and destress. Engage in physical activity as it releases feel-good endorphins and helps to manage stress. Take out time for your personal care and self-reflection. Write down your feelings in a journal to help you release pent-up emotions and develop self-awareness.

Evidence-based, mindfulness activities, and trauma-focused counselling at Boomerang Counselling Centre can help you lead an emotionally stable life and manage trauma dumping.