Divorce is an emotionally demanding process. These days, many couples who are in such a critical phase question whether there is a need to have marriage counselling before they end their marriage. If you are unfortunately considering ending your marriage and are unsure, please read this article. We will provide you with the best possible neutral perspective, grounded in legal considerations.

Legalities of Seeking Marriage Counselling Before Divorce

In the UK and Canada, there is no requirement for couples to consult a counsellor before submitting a divorce application. In England and Wales, the 2022 no-fault divorce law only requires couples to declare that the marriage has irretrievably broken down.

Similarly, in Canada, a single year of separation is sufficient to prove divorce, or other factors that allow it, which again does not require counselling under the Divorce Act.

As a matter of fact, Canadian law imposes an obligation on lawyers to discuss potential reconciliation and refer clients to counselling resources. But it does not reach the point of making spouses attend therapy.

What would be the Dynamics of Seeking Marriage Counselling with Your Spouse?

Although there is no legislation on it, the question many raise is: Is it possible to request counselling when getting a divorce? Yes, although only voluntarily. At any given time, couples can decide to see a therapist or counsellor.

When one spouse is filing for a divorce, the other cannot be legally compelled to undergo marriage counselling unless the other has a special court order (Some child custody might require marriage or parenting classes, but this is for the welfare of the children and not the marriage). In practice, any request to attend marriage counselling is like any other proposal: it must be agreed to by both spouses.

With the consent of your spouse, you can collectively contract a counsellor or a mediator to resolve your relationship problems. In the event of refusal by one partner, the other may still undergo personal therapy or counselling on their own. However, it is generally most effective when both partners are involved.

Does Marriage Counselling Save a Marriage?

Many professionals have agreed that marriage or couples counselling can be a solution, though not a panacea. According to research and surveys, the majority of couples have benefited from counselling. An example of such an experience is a report by the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), which found that an estimated 98 per cent of couples who accessed therapy reported a good or excellent experience, with close to 75 per cent reporting relationship improvement after counselling.

Couples often discover that counselling helps them improve communication, regain trust, or gain a clearer understanding of their problems.

Commitment from both Sides is Essential

It is worth noting that counselling is effective when both partners are committed to the process and ready to make changes. In case one of the spouses has decided to divorce and is unwilling to communicate, therapy cannot be as successful.

Yet in difficult situations, many people learn valuable lessons about themselves and their tendencies, which can prove useful whether they remain together or not. Concisely, counselling can aim to repair the marriage or mitigate pain and confrontation during the separation.

Even if the marriage cannot be saved after counselling, according to one expert, the skills acquired can help not only individuals but also future relationships.

Also Read About: How to Build Trust in a Relationship

What to Expect in Marriage Counselling

When planning to offer marriage counselling, it is good to understand what the process generally entails. The following are some general expectations as outlined by professional therapists:

1. Easy, Confidential Environment

The counselling sessions will be held in a confidential setting where couples can talk freely without fear of outside interference.

The idea is to establish a friendly atmosphere of candid conversation.

2. Communication Skills

You will also be taught how to communicate your feelings or even to listen to your partner. Therapists learn the methods of listening and talking so that every individual feels they are listened to and understood.

This can involve the loss of blame, follow-up of emotions, sharing, or feedback.

3. Emotional Knowledge

You are going to practice attributing and controlling intense emotion. Couples learn to embrace anger, hurt, and resentment in healthier ways.

The counsellor assists the two partners in expressing emotions such as fear or sadness that may be causing conflicts.

4. Problem-Solving

Counsellors tend to set goals for the relationship in the future and guide you to achieve them. This can be the establishment of what each partner desires and the compromise.

The therapist does not take sides or tell you what to do. Rather, they put questions and provide feedback so that you can make your own decisions.

The therapists usually prescribe practice in new skills, such as making time for a date night, journal writing, or communication activities between sessions.

5. Results Take Time

Counselling is not a fast solution. Below 10-20 sessions in a few months are to be expected. Strong marital issues might be hard to solve quickly, and professionals suggest that it should be done wholeheartedly before qualifying for a divorce.

Conclusion

To conclude, marriage counselling is not mandatory before divorce. It might, however, be a worthwhile measure for most couples. It provides an opportunity to talk in an indifferent environment and, perhaps, recover or make a more rational decision.

In the UK and Canada, laws allow you to proceed with a divorce without counselling; it is your decision.

When the time comes to experiment with the counselling session at the Boomerang Counselling Centre, go to a qualified therapist and communicate freely. Even if counselling doesn’t save your marriage, it can help you part on better terms or move forward with greater understanding.